The Wrong Turn
by AidanEnchanted
Summary: Aragorn and his army get lost near Hogwarts. Hilarity ensues!
1. Default Chapter

Author's note: The characters in this story are all property of J.K. Rowling and J.R.R. Tolkien. In fact, everything belongs to them. Some of the movies I ripped off in writing this fiction besides Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings are:  
  
Texas Chainsaw Massacre You Got Served The Shining  
  
I also do not own Kurt Cobain or Weird Al Yankovic. That is all.  
  
"The beacons have... wait," said Aragorn Elessar, "This doesn't look like Mordor!"  
  
And indeed, it was not Mordor. Aragorn and his army had taken a wrong turn, and landed near the entrance of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  
  
"Is there a problem, boss?" inquired Legolas.  
  
"No, not at all. We're only stuck in some weird place with no chance of escape, my friends," replied Aragorn, facetiously.  
  
"Nothing new, then," added Gimli in a sullen tone.  
  
"I was saving this speech for Mordor," Aragorn muttered under his breath, "but I suppose the time has come sooner than I expected."  
  
"He won't come in here, now. Not since... Well, he knows better than that, doesn't he?" came a voice, interrupting Aragorn, "why don't you have some tea, my dears?"  
  
"W-what?" asked Aragorn, "Are you talking about Lord Sauron? Thanks for the offer, miss, but I don't believe we have time enough for tea."  
  
"Now, now, my dears," said the woman, appearing from the darkness ahead, "please have some tea. I assure you this, my loves, it will calm you down a bit."  
  
"Please, ma'am, we're in a hurry," grunted Gimli, who was playing with his beard idly, "We are in a hurry to get to Mordor to help Frodo destroy Lord Sau-"  
  
"Please, my friends, have some tea. It will calm you down," the woman insisited.  
  
"LADY, WE DON'T WANT ANY FUCKING TEA. LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE!" belted Gandalf.  
  
"Well, if you're going to be that way, my dears, I'm afraid I have nothing for you," replied the woman, "Please exit now," she commanded.  
  
"But we're not even in," thought Aragorn aloud.  
  
And then...  
  
"LET'S SEE YOU DANCE, SUCKA, YOU AIN'T GOT NOTHIN' ON ME!" A man's yelling voice was multiplied by at least ten as young children dressed in black and green robes with a snake on them appeared and began dancing.  
  
"What the—"Aragorn was cut off by one of the kids.  
  
"Oh, I think he's getting served!" a black haired boy said.  
  
"Damn straight!" a tall blonde boy with pale skin replied.  
  
"Ooooh, he's getting' served all over!" said a girl with a face the shape of a pug.  
  
What's going to happen to our heroes? Will they ever help Frodo and save Middle Earth? Will they ever even get back to middle earth? THAT IS WHY YOU MUST WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER! Mwuah. Review, please. 


	2. Dinner?

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This fiction will also feature segments of "Anger Management."  
  
"Draco Malfoy! You stop that this instant," came the voice of Minerva McGonagall. "Is that how you treat visitors of Hogwarts?"  
  
"No, Professor. I'm sorry. I shall apologize immediately," he said, trying hard to keep the smirk from appearing externally. Draco bowed to the travelers, tipping his hat to Aragorn. "How do you do?" he asked politely.  
  
"Not well, my lad. We seem to be lost. Have you any idea where Mordor is?" Aragorn replied.  
  
"What's Mordor?" inquired Draco.  
  
"You know!" exclaimed Legolas, "The land of Mordor, where the shadows lie!"  
  
"No, no," said Draco. "What's Mordor? Not a description."  
  
"You know! Mordor... where Lord Sauron lives!?" piped Gimli.  
  
"I do not wish to know who lives in Mordor. What's Mordor?" asked Draco, once again.  
  
"Mordor is the place where the one Ring can be destroyed!" yelled Faramir.  
  
You can imagine how irritated our heroes are with this questioning. Aragorn is gripping his sword tightly, doing all I he can not to puncture this Malfoy character with it.  
  
"I really don't care about the jewelry in Mordor!" replied Malfoy, with calm amusement in his drawling voice.  
  
"WELL, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT US TO SAY?" screamed Aragorn, unable to control himself. He heard sniggering from the group of teenagers dressed in black.  
  
"Mister Malfoy!" exclaimed Professor McGonagall, "Detention! And fifteen points from Slytherin." She began walking towards Aragorn. "How do you do, Mr. Elessar?" she asked politely.  
  
"Fine, my dear, but I believe we should get going..." he replied.  
  
"Oh, nonsense! Please rest in the castle, my dear man! I've read a lot about you." She said flatteringly. "We'll have refreshments for you."  
  
"Well, if ya put it that way," Gimli said, and began walking into the castle. Aragorn and his fellow men had no choice but to follow. AUTHORS NOTE: More coming! R&R please. ( 


End file.
